Johnny Whitney - Caribbean Bird Part 1Partial transcript from "Morganalia", an overview of miscellaneous J.P. Morgan traditions, presented by VP John Weiss to new employees, June 11th, 2007John: Gentlemen and ladies, you are here because you are the best of the best of the best, the creamiest of the cream of the crop. You've been recruited from the finest schools in America, Britain, Taiwan, India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Mongolia, and Sri Lanka. Each and every one of you has shown unimpeachable excellence in some way: through leadership, loyalty, mathematics, statistics, ruthlessness, economics, computer science, and other assorted activities. However, I'm here to tell you that J.P. Morgan will challenge you. This firm does not know the meaning of the word 'complacency'. We are constantly on a quest for perfection. If you came in through the main entrance of the building, you surely saw the 20 foot-high plaque that displays our mission statement for all who care to see it: " J.P. Morgan and Co. will provide unmatchable excellence in all areas in which it is engaged. Perfection is what we work towards. Competitors will be left, crushed and disheartened, in our wake." That is a direct quote from the man himself, people. The man in whose image you have all been created, so to speak. In a way, we are all merely flawed avatars for the spirit of John Pierpont Morgan, and we must, at all times, be mindful of this fact. Although he died almost a hundred years ago, we should strive to do his will here on earth. Now, I realize this a lot of information to absorb all at once, so I'd like to open the floor up to questions.Novice Morgan Man: HI SIR I HAVE A QUESTIONJohn: Sure thing, what's your name, son?NMM: MY NAME IS RICHARD GODSHAALK SIR. [clears throat] I WAS JUST WONDERING WHAT THE COMPANY'S STANCE IS ON CLOTHES I MEAN TO SAY WHAT IS THE DRESS CODE EXACTLY? AT CONSIDERABLE EXPENSE I HAVE ACQUIRED A WARDROBE WHICH ONE MIGHT SAFELY CALL STYLISH OR EVEN FASHIONABLE. DO YOU THINK I WILL BE PROMOTED QUICKLY OR NOT BECAUSE OF MY CLOTHING?John: That's tough to say. Some of the traditionalists within the company, who, coincidentally or not, occupy the higher levels of our corporate hierarchy, favor a more conservative style of dress. For instance, my boss, Bryce Gordon, likes to wear some of your heavier wools and tweeds during even the summer months, since he feels that brings him closer to the ESSENCE of the company, which was founded prior to the advent of the concepts of either 'sweat' or 'comfort'. Take a look at some of the pictures in the MorganGallery, and take note of what the bankers were wearing back in the early 1900s. If you want to play it safe, I'd suggest modeling your 'look' on some of those heroes. I've heard that word on the street is that all of us Morgan Men and Women wear DKNY, Prada, Gucci, Armani, and Versace. Not true. Take pride in your appearance, sure, but don't go crazy. To you, Richard, I'd say: burn those clothes, and go out and get yourself a nice set of jute summer suits. We all have to learn how to crawl before we can walk, right?[Johnny Whitney is formerly of Blood Brothers and currently of Jaguar Love. BUY the Acoustic Mixtape Vol 1.]