Pissed Jeans - False Jesii Part 2The Beginning of A Short Biography of Henry Fischer ZernH.F. Zern, the Poet of Allentown, was born in 1858 to parents unknown, in parts unknown. In his youth, the boy Zern frolicked in the woods of upstate Pennsylvania and imitated the calls of squirrels, robins, and pygmy mice. He collected fungi of unusual color or odor. He stole indiscriminately, and was arrested seventeen times before the age of twelve for the theft of such items as empty milk bottles, twine, garbage (assorted), scrapple scraps, flax, grass chunks, and roof shingles. At the age of thirteen he was put into the Steel Normal School and learned how to read, write, and conduct himself like a normal young man (per the school's mission). It was here, at the SNS, that he began to write verse, mostly to amuse himself and to while away the time between horse rides (he was in love with one of the school's horses, Lydia, and would whisper his poems into her ears during riding class). The love, however, was unrequited, as school records show that Lydia threw Zern from her back twenty-six times in the space of six classes, and Zern burned all his horse-themed love poems at the end of his first term. The earliest of his compositions still extant is "Steelman," a three stanza poem recording Zern's thoughts upon watching the workers enter one of the blast furnaces of Allentown early in the morning, and describing how each man carried a kerchief full of food and sipped coffee from the hot coffee spigot out front.[BUY King of Jeans]