Rainer Maria - Ears RingNovels I've Abandoned1. Ninjas: 2012 Thriller about two friends who trained together under the same master, now running for President--one a Republican, one a Democrat. Debates mostly turn into exciting fights (naturally).2. Aloe Bildungsroman about a tanning salon attendant who engages in long disquisitions with a local surfer about what it really means to tan, philosophically speaking. Lots of descriptions of oils, lotions, unguents, salves, cooling agents, and masking applications. Didn't test well.3. I'll Tell You When I'm Ready to Go The ultimate affair novel. A look at the way we live, marry, and die now. About a couple living in the suburbs: dead-end jobs, dead-end kids, dead-end love. Husband/father = searching for a new masculinity. Wife/mother = bored out of her skull, always pictured something better, fancier, with more and nicer lamps at the very least. Husband has an affair with mother-in-law. Things get weird for everyone.4. The White Label DJ Club and Sadsack Society Just a list of made-up songs.[BUY Long Knives Drawn]**One of my stories appears in the first issue of Burnt Bridge, alongside stories by John Brandon ("Citrus County" and "Arkansas") and Steve Barthelme. Please think hard about maybe buying this issue and reading it. I promise that my story is only mildly disappointing. Many people have said this about it: "It's better than most life insurance pamphlets, but not as good as the back of a good cereal box."**